Share
16th April 2018
05:12pm BST
Big fan of this kid by the way. Saw him do the taxi thing with Pep and it was genuinely great. But that was six years ago. He's 18 years old now and in danger of being typecast like a Mancunian Gary Coleman. He doesn't want to go round saying "What you on about, Willis?" into his late-twenties. Also, Asian Zach Braff next to him seems a little too starstruck.
Alas, dodgy extras are a running theme throughout. First rule of being a background actor is don't let your professional aspirations get in the way of the matter in hand. We know you don't want to be a face in the crowd all your life, but over-acting in a telecoms ad won't catch Scorsese's eye.
Take your man in the blue coat in the bottom right below. No one has ever danced around and pointed like that in a football ground in the history of football grounds, or dancing and pointing.
As for the players, imagine the scene: you've just won the Premier League title in front of a sold-out Etihad and the crowd are going wild, 'cos they're here for the champions and clapping their hands. How are you going to celebrate this magical event? By strolling down the tunnel like Simon just sent you through to the live shows, that's how.
They should be celebrating like these fans in a pub that has confetti falling from the ceiling, with a good traditional foot stomp. There's something brilliantly odd about the beardy fella turning to his mate ready for a collective stamp of feet. This is very normal behaviour.
You can also stomp in this unfeasibly happy cabbie's vehicle.
He's actually an idiot. Quite apart from the fact he's found himself in the middle of a crowd of pedestrians with the meter still ticking, anyone with a rudimentary knowledge of Manchester drinking holes would know that's the Thirsty Scholar behind him, and the Salisbury to his left. So he's cheerily driving into a tight dead end, the massive no-knowledge fraud.
Back to the likeable young City fan and Muslim JD. They're part of the street parade now and Asian Braff is live-streaming the kid to his mates in the UAE. Which is a bit bizarre in any case but doubly so as they seem to be reacting like they've never seen a ginger person before. "MashAllah! His hair it is red but his heart it is blue!"
At the other end of the age range, we cut to these old timers in t'pub celebrating t'league title.
These are proper fans who remember the barren years at Maine Road. They've endured all sorts, from Division Two football to having to watch Jo lead the attack. So of course they're going to get shitfaced on pints of water and pretzels, whilst shouting hooray.
Also, what's with the creepy fucker watching them through the railings in the top left hand corner? Check his hard drive for lemon party content, the weird OAP voyeur.
Finally, we come to the showpiece finale, as a Trumpian sized crowd of revellers welcomes their heroes to Manchester Town Hall. Which would be fine, expect I know that lad in the wig on the right. He's my mate Lloyd Li and he's not even a City fan. In fact I've only ever seen him this happy when he wasn't on an early shift during the Next Sale.
This totally ruined any sense of realism and authenticity for me. Thanks a bunch, Lloyd.
Explore more on these topics:
