Here’s the SportsJOE guide to surviving one of the greatest ever weekends of sport on TV

It isn't just about Conor McGregor. Sure, the build-up to McGregor's showdown with Jose Aldo Chad Mendes on Saturday has dominated this week's (and most other weeks) media coverage but there is a LOT more sport on offer this weekend for you to savour. In fact, if you have any family outings or events planned that can't be executed in front of a television with some salty snacks and a few ice cold refreshments, then you better cancel them. Across Saturday and Sunday, you have some cracking GAA matches in both codes, two Wimbledon finals, the American debut of Stevie G, the Open pre-cursor in Scotland and two Tour de France stages to cram into your schedule. That sounds daunting, but don't worry, SportsJOE has prepared a comprehensive survival guide to ensure that you see every minute of sporting action, while not neglecting some key life components (food, drink etc).

Saturday 

9am - 1pm: The calm before the storm/Meal Time

This is arguably the weekend's most important period. The first thing you need to do is eat an unbelievably hearty breakfast at about 9am (anything that doesn't include at least three rashers is unacceptable) and something equally plentiful for lunch at about 12.45pm.

This will set you up for the day and make sure that you won't crave food outside of some strategic windows we have carved into your sports watching schedule.

And you'll have two nice appetisers to keep you interested before 1pm. The Scottish Open, where most of next weekend's Open Championship contenders are competing, and the Tour de France stage eight, should both be taking place during this time. But 1pm is when the weekend really gets going...

1pm: Ladies Wimbledon Final (BBC One)

Who is ready to see Serena Williams complete the 'Serena Slam'? Williams has won three straight Grand Slam tournaments since losing at the All-England club last July and is VERY short odds to steamroll Spain's Garbine Muguruza in the decider. If you get a riveting three-set final like Williams' French Open battle, then great. If not, then you can enjoy some brilliant Gaelic Football qualifiers the old fashioned way while she eases home.

2pm - 4.35pm: All-Ireland football championship round two qualifiers

The good news? The 2B side of the qualifiers have produced two interesting ties on Saturday (sorry, Tipperary and Louth fans) and one on Sunday. The bad news? NONE are on television. Despite two Ulster teams being in action, BBC Two Northern Ireland have opted to show archaeological thriller The Mummy (1932) on Saturday afternoon.

So in order to enjoy Derry v Wexford (14.00), Tipperary v Louth (14.45) and Tyrone v Meath (15.00), you'll need to do two things:

1. Follow all six of the teams' Twitter accounts for minute-by-minute updates.

2. Listen to whichever game interests you the most on local radio.

This allows you to watch Williams toy with her Spanish opponent on TV while you keep abreast of the qualifier action online.

4.35pm - 5pm: Recess

This 25-minute block is crucial. You are entering into the meatiest part of the sporting weekend and need some fuel... perhaps, some sort of meat dish. Steaks, ribs, chicken wings and burgers are heavily encouraged but if you are conscious of time, perhaps a takeaway would provide adequate sustenance. Use this period to dash out to the shop to buy either supplies for your main meal, or to top up on treats (eg. Pringles).

5pm - 6.45pm : Limerick v Dublin (5pm, RTÉ 2) 

Both of these teams were annihilated in their respective provincial semi-finals, so we should be in for an intense clash as both counties scrap for their championship lives.

6.45pm - 7pm - Phone a friend/Meal Time prepartions

What a day of sport you've had already! What a night to come! Take this time to spend some time with loved ones... by phone - nothing can distract you from the matter at hand. Talk to someone about the state of Limerick hurling, whether the sport can ever progress in Dublin or just jump straight ahead to McGregor. Short and sweet - no more than 15 minutes. You are allowed to use your one phonecall on ordering a takeaway. If not, just cook and chat at the same time.

7pm - 8.45pm: Cork v Clare

Will it be JBM's last stand or can Davy Fitzgerald get his team back into All-Ireland contention? Cork beat Clare in Munster last year and whoever loses on Saturday will be facing a long year of massive uncertainty.

7.4opm - 7.55pm: Dig In

It is half time and your food should have either arrived or be ready in the kitchen. Serve it up, get out a side-table and resume your place on the couch as you continue to indulge in sports television D-Day.

8.45pm - 12am: Sleep/Pints

As I see it there are two options here, and two options only, if you want to eventually watch Conor McGregor and the other Irish fighters in Las Vegas. You can:

1. Fall into a food coma and sleep until midnight (or whatever time you want to join the UFC action at). This way, you won't be AS tired the following day.

2. Re-communicate with the mates you spoke to during the aforementioned 'Phone a Friend' interlude and organise to go for a few pints. You can either come home after and watch the fight, watch it in a big group or stay out long enough to enjoy it in a nocturnal establishment (residents bar in Coppers?)

12am - 5am: UFC 189

We might not be getting the fight we all wanted but after weeks and weeks of build-up, we will finally see Conor McGregor climb into the Octagon once more. Dubliners Neil Seery and Cathal Pendred are in action too, as is SBG's Gunnar Nelson, so there is plenty of Irish interest outside of the main event.

4.20am - 6am: LA Galaxy v Club America (Sky Sports)

If you are at a loose end waiting for McGregor's fight to start, you can always tune into Sky Sports for Steven Gerrard's first game for LA Galaxy. You could probably get the guts of a half without missing the action from Las Vegas.

5am - N/A: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sunday

2pm - 4pm: Dublin v Westmeath

Dublin's attacking style is the perfect antidote to your alcohol induced sports television hangover. They might be 1/500 to win, but it will be interesting to see if Westmeath can show the same fighting spirit in the Leinster football final that they showed against Meath in the semi-final.

Of course, if you want to rejoin civilisation a little earlier, you can enjoy the final round of the Scottish Open on Sky Sports or take in stage 10 of the Tour de France on Eurosport.

2pm - 5pm: Men's Wimbledon Final

No matter who is involved here (unless Richard Gasquet snakes his way in), we should be in for a cracker. Ideally, it will be Novak Djokovic against Roger Federer or Andy Murray, and that closely-fought contest should be the perfect contrast to Dublin's likely rout.

4pm - 6pm: Tipperary v Waterford

One of the best sporting weekends in years is rounded off perfectly with the Munster hurling final. Even though Waterford appear to be the form team, most pundits have already pencilled Eamon O'Shea's men in for an All-Ireland semi-final place. Can the Deise (at 9/4) pull off a shock in Thurles?

6pm - to Monday Morning: Recovery

You have had a hectic weekend so drink lots of fluids (water, not lager), eat a wholesome meal and get some rest. You are back to the real world on Monday, but the memories of an epic 48 hours should sustain you through that tough first day back at work.