Paranoid much?
Jose Mourinho has transformed himself from a breath of fresh air messiah-type figure to the grumpiest, most sceptical, broken record of a man in football. And it all happened in record time.
It's been a remarkable unravelling and it is all the more incredible as at each turn it seemed both preventable and unnecessary.
Here are the 19 steps that took Mourinho from what he used to be to what he is right now.
Step 1: It started with a stamp
Jose Mourinho lets rip at Sky Sports for accusing Diego Costa of stamping on another player after Diego Costa stamps on another player.
Specifically, Mourinho takes umbrage with a caption that runs across the bottom of the screen during Sky Sports' replays of the incident.
A caption. A caption, written presumably by someone in the Sky graphics department
The caption read 'Costa Crimes'.
Jamie Redknapp also feels the full brunt of Mourinho's wrath as the Portuguese manager starts to ponder the idea that his players are being subjected to trial by Sky Sports.
“I don’t know what you understand by a stamp,” said Mourinho, after the game. “Maybe you are already influenced by the campaign on the television with the certain pundits saying that Costa has crimes – they must be nuts the guy who says that. I saw the incident and about the penalty I didn’t speak. If I comment about that I will be in trouble.
“Sky calls it a crime, I have to say that it was absolutely accidental. He goes to the ball, he chases it, the opponent goes to the floor and he puts his foot there when he is looking at the ball.
And the FA are obviously in on it too - Costa is subsequently banned for three games.
https://twitter.com/paulmoncur/status/567693376364228608
Step 2: Mourinho gives the press a minute-by-minute list of Burnley flashpoints
For an impulsive man, Mourinho shows patience. It's more than one month after Costa's stamp on Can, but now is the time to go back to it.
Chelsea are five points clear at the top with less than third of the season to go. There is no significant challenger to their title bid.
A draw at home to Burnley. A bad result, but not in terms of the title race.
But Chelsea have, in Mourinho's eyes, been the victim of an injustice.
He asks what is the point of appealing Matic's red card - after he ran and shoved a player to the ground - because Chelsea never win appeals.
He is hesitant to call Barnes a player.
Minute 69. It's Jose's answer to Area 51.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf-B7Jmv8CE
Step 3: Mourinho appears on Goals on Sunday
The very next day the Chelsea coach – and BT Sport ambassador –
goes on Sky Sports' Sunday morning highlights show and wonders (at length) why Barnes hasn't been given the 'Costa Crimes' treatment by Sky.
He bemoans the notion that Chelsea have felt the luck of a refereeing decision just once and he doesn't think that it's happening by coincidence. Of course he doesn't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6cm9m3dN7k
"When I finished the game against Liverpool I went to the dressing room and I was reading non-stop about Diego Costa's crimes," Mourinho said.
"I would like to know how do you, Sky Sports, describe the actions of a Burnley player yesterday? My English is not good enough to find an adjective to qualify. I don't find a word to describe."
https://twitter.com/jonathanliew/status/569461863764897792?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
https://twitter.com/grahamruthven/status/569459082769223680?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
https://twitter.com/grahamruthven/status/569459676435197952?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
It has since been reported that this campaign - this relentless and sustained determination by the Chelsea manager to feel aggrieved and victimised by Sky Sports – is the moment his halo disappeared for certain members of the Chelsea squad.
It is, it is said, the moment the players realised that their manager is not embarking on these campaigns to deflect attention and pressure away from the team – he actually believes them.
This is worrying.
Step 4: Mourinho looks broken after Chelsea win the title, decides to have a dig at Guardiola
Since when was winning not enough?
Mourinho is worn out after the Blues cruise to the league title with three games to spare. He doesn't sound particularly elated in his post-match interview, he says he's tired and he uses his moment of success to seemingly have a go at his old La Liga nemesis Pep Guardiola for choosing an easier path with Bayern Munich.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KgPbfKIYa4
Step 5: Mourinho calls Benitez fat and jibes him again for his Inter failures
Not getting enough attention in England, the Chelsea manager responds to Rafa's wife claims that Benitez was cleaning up Jose's mess at Real Madrid. Even though he had replaced Ancelotti.
"The only club where her husband replaces me was at Inter Milan where, in six months, he destroyed the best team in Europe at the time," Mourinho said. "I think the lady needs to occupy her time and if she takes care of her husband's diet she will have less time to speak about me."
Step 6: A new season, a fresh start
Not really. Mourinho's and Wenger's relationship starts to rumble again before the season officially begins.
Arsenal win the Community Shield, the Chelsea boss congratulates every one of the players and him and Wenger can't even look at one another.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaofVb3OS8A
Step 7: Mourinho goes mental at his medical team for doing their jobs
One game in. One.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY3NTClyDkI
It seems so unnecessary. So preventable. But the issues with Eva Carneiro escalate and escalate and escalate.
Step 8: Mourinho refuses to speak about Thibaut Courtois' sending off and penalty against Swansea
Of course he does. Otherwise he'd have to admit that the officials were correct. Chelsea appeal anyway. And lose.
Step 9: Mourinho - Jose Mourinho - accuses rivals of buying the title
"They are buying the title. All of them, they are buying the title."
And he kept a perfectly straight face as he said it.
Step 10: Mourinho names and shames seven of his players
"I'm not happy with Ivanovic's form, Cahill's, John's, Azpi's, Fabregas', Matic's, Eden's."
They're not happy with yours either.
Step 11: Mourinho officially bans all banter from Chelsea's training ground
That really
happened.
Step 12: Mourinho finally flips at Arsene Wenger's untouchable status
Jose's rather strange hatred of the Arsenal manager came to a head at the end of September when he mocked Wenger's 'king' status.
The French man and the Gunners have been no threat to Mourinho's success ever since he came to Stamford Bridge so it seems bizarre that Wenger would be the subject of his bitter competitive streak.
"In the rule book it says some managers can speak about the referees before and after games. Some. Others cannot," he said. "In this country, only one manager is not under pressure. Every other manager is. We cannot be below par. We have to meet the objectives. I have sympathy with all of them because it’s a difficult job. There’s one outside that list but good for him
"The one who can speak about the referees before the game, after the game, can push people in the technical area, can moan, can cry in the morning, in the afternoon, and nothing happens. He cannot achieve [success] and keep his job, still be the king. I say just one."
Arsene Wenger is the antithesis of Mourinho's three-year hit at clubs and, yes, he's even the exact opposite to Mourinho's views of short term success or you're gone.
Step 13: Mourinho... referees... you know the craic
https://twitter.com/KMcGillicuddy86/status/650383008554446848
Step 14: Seconds later Mourinho challenges Chelsea to sack him
It was a long interview, a long monologue rather.
"Maybe I didn't make it clear earlier. For God's sake put me out of my misery."
https://twitter.com/KMcGillicuddy86/status/650391125518368768?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Step 15: Mourinho fined again for comments, starts using Wenger lingo instead
After a £50,000 fine, Mourinho begins to employ a new tactic to use the words 'naive' and 'weak' when criticising referees because that's what 'himself' (you know, the one he's obsessed with) got away with saying.
Step 16: A book launch. Oh good
The attending press are asked not to question Mourinho about his fine from the FA. They don't listen. Neither does Mourinho. He turns the launch of his own book into a platform to brand the FA "a disgrace".
Wenger also comes under attack, obviously.
“It’s difficult for me to understand when I compare different people with similar behaviours, with different words or with similar words. But the word ‘afraid’ is a punishment, and a hard punishment. But to say the referee was ‘weak and naive’, referring to one of the top referees in this country and in Europe, we can do. There is something that, now, we know. We can push people in the technical area.
“The only good thing of this last decision by the FA is that every manager in this country can write in a little book and, when he goes to the press conference, he knows that ‘afraid’ costs £50,000. ‘Weak and naive’, you can use. More important is a word than aggression. So now we know. That’s the only reason I can still walk in London without an electronic tag.”
Step 17: The kids, most definitely, are not alright
A 14-year-old claims to have been pushed by Mourinho on the street in London's Knightsbridge as he and his friends looked for an autograph. The footage is inconclusive. More footage emerges that appears to show the kids following Mourinho as he speaks on the phone.
Whatever the truth of the situation it's safe to say that Arsene Wenger isn't getting into scrapes with teenagers on the streets of London.
Step 18: 'Wenger is right, you are f*****g soft'
Half time at Upton Park. Chelsea are 1-0 down and reduced to 10 men. We Ham defender James Collins later says he saw Mourinho waiting for referee Jonathan Moss in the tunnel.
Chelsea say there was 'a discussion' between the two.
Others say that security were involved and that Mourinho told Moss: 'Wenger is right, you are f*****g soft.'
Well if Wenger said it...
Mourinho watches the second half from the stand as Andy Carroll heads West Ham's winner.
Everyone laughs at the Where's Wally?-style photo of Jose in the Upton Park directors' box as Carroll's goal goes in.
Danny Dyer has a pop off him on Twitter.
https://twitter.com/MrDDyer/status/657951901590421504
This is not a good look for the foremost coach of his generation.
Step 19: Liverpool come to Stamford Bridge
Defeat and it may be the end. The most spectacular unravelling of Jose Mourinho's career. And that's saying something. And it all started with an on-screen caption.
