Irishman pens hilarious application to be Jermain Defoe’s personal assistant

Pick me, pick me!

You just can't get good help these days. That's why Jermain Defoe's desire for a PA to tend to his every basic human need has gone viral. The Sunderland striker, who scored a hat-trick in last night's Capital One Cup, is a very, very busy man and if you want to be at his beck and call then you can send your CV this way. He doesn't need much... Just a modern day lackey. It would not be our ideal job but Paul Cahill, the son of RTE broadcaster Des, thinks he has what it takes to organise Jermain's life and has the skills to make sure his fridge is full, as well as enriching his life. He opens his application with a heartwarming line that surely any multimillionaire would be charmed by:

"I’m a wonderful listener and I was shortlisted for ‘nicest guy’ during my final year in school. I would be more than happy to be there for you day and night… And I’ll tuck you in so tight at night, you’ll need help to get out of it in the morning! (But don’t worry, I’ll be there.)"

"LIDL advertised recently that you can get a full fridge worth of food for £125, whereas ALDI would charge you £180!?! I know you were named Player Of The Month in August 2009, but that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t appreciate a good bargain."

"If this e-mail hasn’t convinced you that I’m the right man, then maybe you don’t deserve me.

Knock knock Jermain…

Who’s there?

Paul… And I always will be.

Kind regards,

PC"