The (video) game's gone
Remember the good old days when you scored a goal on Pro Evo and FIFA. Not FIFA 19, the ones from the past, like 97 or 98. You knocked one in, probably a gritty goal poach from three yards. A proper goal. Then, when you went to celebrate, there was nothing fancy. You'd be lucky to get an Alan Shearer-esque arm in the air.
Not that you had any say over what celebration you did anyway, not back then, in the good old days. Once you scored the game went to a cut scene where some barely identifiable pixels would make whatever movements they wanted, without your input.
It was a simpler time. You took what you got and you were happy with it. You held it close to your chest and you hugged it.
I'll tell you what though, that time is gone. Long gone. Show a youngster a video of FIFA 98 nowadays and they'll say things like "how retro", "that looks awful" and "who are you and why are you showing me this?".
No, they're far too interested in "4K" and "1080p" these days to give a shit about how the past was much better than the present.
They're too concerned with things like FIFA 19, a video game which does away with the things that we used to have - such as commentary so repetitive you could quote it verbatim - and replaced them with things people want now.
And, it would seem, people want to see Manchester United attacker Jesse Lingard doing the Milly Rock, because that's exactly what the game allows you to do.
This will no doubt delight the people out there capable of doing the Milly Rock, though it sadly appears that EA Sports decided to motion capture the dance using a person who not only doesn't know what the Milly Rock is, but doesn't know what human movement is.
Still, it will please some out there, and even though they can't appreciate the beauty of watching Roberto Larcos and Ravoldi galloping up the pitch for an unlicensed Brazil, they still deserve happiness.
https://twitter.com/bIindinho/status/1028613103439806464
