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1st October 2018
02:07pm BST
"Keane? He wasn’t as good as the other two," Keys blurted out, as though one of the most important players in United's history had no business been mentioned alongside such greats of the game.
Keys was effusive in his praise for "Scholesy" - yes, the 61-year-old repeatedly referred to Scholes by his nickname, as though the pair were best mates.
"If you're talking about running about, Keane did a lot of that. Whether it was effective or not is another matter."
If Keys had spent less time asking pundits if they "smashed it" and more time watching football during his time on Sky Sports, he may have learned something.
Keane's reputation as a midfield enforcer does him a disservice. Yes, he was a tough-tackling, intense player who placed incredible demands on himself and his teammates. But, underpinning these aspects of his character was a wonderful footballer.
Wayne Rooney has said Keane was the best passer he played alongside. Darren Fletcher said the Irishman had the best touch of any footballer he played alongside.
Keane could control a game like no other midfielder of his generation.
He did this through his crisp passing and competitive spirit, his impeccable positioning, fierce tackling and perfect timing which was owed to his intelligence and ability to forensically read the game.
Yet, Keys appeared to think he was talking about Lee Cattermole. It would be funny if he wasn't paid to speak about a sport he evidently knows very little about.
https://twitter.com/SportsJOEdotie/status/1005347285759397888
The trio then imagined how a midfield of Gerrard, Keane and Scholes would function. Both Gray and McAteer said they would position Keane at the base of this midfield.
"You'd sit Keane in the middle?!" Keys babbled, showing that his unfortunate bout of verbal diarrhoea had yet to pass through his system.
"Not for me. 'Scholesy sit in the middle, bossing everything. Keano, you run around doing what you did'.""That's why. That answer there. Scholes sitting... bossing what?" McAteer responded after a couple of seconds of silence as he tried to process the scale of Keys' oral scutter.
"Scholesy was as good as anybody I've ever seen on a football pitch at running a match," Keys informed the former professional footballers.
"He scored the goal against Barcelona in the Champions League and ran that game from the first whistle to the last. Sitting, get it, give it."Scholes scored the decisive goal in the match Keys is referring to in the 2008 Champions League semi-final second-leg between United and Barcelona at Old Trafford. However, to say that he "ran that game from the first whistle to the last" is like saying Sky Sports' football coverage has declined since the banter brothers left for Doha.
United had 37 per cent possession in the match. They scored early and wisely attempted to play on the counter-attack against a talented Barcelona team, a tactic that brought them success. Their passing accuracy was just 71 per cent. Scholes, in no way whatsoever, "ran that game from the first whistle to the last."
Keys' memory, like his opinions on football, appears to be deeply flawed. He wasn't finished yet though.
"If Keano had a strength, it was running around battering into people." - Keys. "You would think that from all the years working with us, he'd learn something." - Gray. "Would Scholes be looked on as good as he was if Roy Keane wasn't beside him?" - McAteer. "One hundred per cent, because Keano had long gone when Scholesy was at his best." - Keys. "What did you say there? What are you on about?" - McAteer.
Scholes' best football at United came playing as a number 10, with Keane behind him controlling the midfield and dictating the tempo of United's play. Gerrard's best spell was behind Fernando Torres and away from central midfield. Keane was a midfielder in the purest sense of the term. All three were world class but with different qualities.
However, it would have been pointless to try reason with Keys. He seemed intent on proving he is Brexit in human form - ignorant and ill-informed with a flimsy understanding of history but proud of it.
He placed a cherry atop his idiot cake with a stunning claim about Frank Lampard. Keys said that, if Lampard had signed for United, Alex Ferguson would have dropped Roy Keane to accommodate him.
Keane played 79 times in the Champions League and only one appearance was as a substitute. Unlike the rest of the team, Keane was indispensable to Ferguson and United. He wouldn't have been dropped, rotated or rested for Lampard or any other midfielder.
Keys has almost made being wrong an artform. He is certainly making a career out of it. Long after he lost relevance, Keys has an afterlife through clips on social media.
The views on the beIN Sports Twitter clip are creeping towards nine-hundred thousand. That appears to matter more than what Keys and the other pundits are saying.
If you want a headache, here are some of the latest clips of Keys embarrassing himself:
https://twitter.com/beINSPORTS/status/1046409676416475136
https://twitter.com/beINSPORTS/status/1046426430895058944
https://twitter.com/beINSPORTS/status/1046457506623414272
https://twitter.com/beINSPORTS/status/1046467308925779968Explore more on these topics:
