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25th April 2017
07:11pm BST

2. You're only 90 minutes up the road, why can't you make training?
Because then I'd be dedicating five and a half hours every Tuesday to train for my club team.
3. We got in contact with a club up there - have you been out with them yet?
- No.
- Why not?
- Please f**k off.
4. Who are those losers you're running around with?
- Friends.
- Friends of who?
- Friends of me.
- Are they GAA men?
- Not really.
- Why are you friends with them?
5. I expect ye back for the whole Easter break.
- But...
- What?
- I have a life.
- ...
- ...
- What do you mean?
6. Do you want a medal for coming to training?
- Well it is a four-hour round-trip.
- You're doing feck all else up there.
7. I don't give a toss if it's RAG Week, championship is in five weeks time.
A new study has shown that the effects of alcohol last for at least six weeks in the system.
8. Lads, I know people up there - in all the pubs. I'll find out if you've been drinking.
They'll always find out.
9. What is it you're looking for? Do you want a job? I'll get ye a job.
So you can forget about J1s or summer breaks - you don't even have to study up there anymore.Explore more on these topics: