The 12 worst things a GAA manager can do in a team talk

You've done the work, now don't balls it up with your team talk.

A player's mind is a bastion of chaos on match day. You might only get a three-sentence window to get anything into their heads so you'd best make the most of it when that opportunity arises. Don't waste it with nonsense. Don't blow it by falling for the classic mistakes that too many fall for. Here are the worst things any GAA manager can do in a team talk. 1. Roar and scream when you're 10 points up. Players aren't stupid, they know they haven't been as bad as you're saying they are. They know you're only trying to make sure they don't take the foot off the gas. But rather than reinforce the good points, rather than encourage them for the play that got them 10 points up, the manager has dug them out and now they're walking back on the field with their heads down, annoyed more than anything. If that wasn't good enough, what will be? Besides, this tactic will lose its effect when you actually do need to shout at them later in the year. 2. Talk about the other team the whole time. They're a good side. They have lethal forwards. They're going to be really up for this game. They're going to want to put down a marker. They're going to slap you off the ball. They're class. WHAT THE F**K ARE WE GOING TO DO? 3. List out stats and do nothing about them. They weren't planning on doing anything with that information. They're just so you know. 4. Go over every mistake. Again, just to point it out because they're still pissed off about them 25 minutes later. 5. Smoke. We all know someone who's done this in the changing rooms. 6. Not let any player speak. They were on the pitch, they might have something valuable to offer. But now isn't the time for solutions - not in the manager's head anyway. 7. Let too many players speak. Carnage. This will be most frequent at reserves level where everyone thinks they know best. 8. Talk about what that team did at under-14s against you. Yes, you were managing the 14s that day but only two of them are on this senior team now. They f**ked you over, let it go. 9. Let every backroom member have their say. From the manager to the three coaches, to the boy you don't really know what his role is, to the physio, the injured lad and the stats guy. You've lost them during the first spiel, never mind the rest to follow. 10. Tell them they're too quiet. You'll only be f**king roaring at them for being too chatty in a minute. 11. Let the crazy guy have the last say. Keep an eye out for this boy, he's in every changing room and he can come in any form. He might be a sub that never gets on, he might be the ol' fella that everyone pretends is the manager but he's not really - either way, he's in your changing room too and he's a time-waster. Worse still, he will take over the team talk when you least expect it. You might've just delivered the most impassioned speech ever and the team might be bouncing off the walls ready to go to war and die for the crest, then the crazy guy halts all the momentum because he wants to have his say. He'll say something like, "no hand passing with the open hand today, I don't want to see any of that shite" and he'll proceed to give a demonstration of how best to hand pass. Everyone stops, stumped. The buzz is gone as this carries on for another few minutes. The sub might just be trying to gee you up or give you advice but the rest of the team are just wondering why he's talking at this point. All the manager can say in response is, "right lads, let's go". But, at that stage, the damage is done. 12. Tell them if they're not at training during the week, they're not going to play the next day. Nobody believes this. You don't even believe this.