The one who did chest yesterday and 8 other chancers doing push ups at training

The sad reality is that a lot of clubs probably do more push ups than they do kick passing at training.

It's an easy way to bring players to their knees and, in fairness, when they get that sort workout in the bank, it is a good thing - mentally more than anything. Push ups are also just a handy tool to punish people and hang it over their heads for an entire session. If you drop a ball, you drop to your hands. If you f**k around, you do some push ups. If you don't get into the circle quickly enough in between drills, push ups. It's a pain in the arse but they're not going away any time soon so it would at least be good if players could come to some sort of mutual understanding that this nonsense is tough enough without the following characters making it worse. 1. "I did chest yesterday" I don't give a f**k. I'm not watching to see how badly you're going, I'm just trying to get through it myself so just deal with the fact that you're skipping reps and save the excuses. 2. The breather Loves a good exhale. Learned a new breathing tip at the gym, proud of improved power and energy so will perform an exaggerated 'tsssss' with every push. 3. The show off Bounces up into the air, performs the push ups on the fists, does an extra rep or two at the end - because he can. 4. The slow counter Get in the sea with this carry on. There are over 20 players here relying on you to get these done as quickly as possible and, instead, we're holding our shaking arms in place waiting for you to hurry the f**k up. 5. The fast counter You could not be doing proper reps. 6. The one who's struggling to count Missing numbers because he's shagged, voice wincing when he's trying to say one out loud - nobody has a problem because he's trying his hardest to keep the pace but the more desperate he sounds, the funnier it gets and we do not need to be laughing right now, mid-torture. 7. "Do them right, John" This player never keeps the head down. Will do the push ups but spend the whole time assessing the quality of everyone else's to make sure they're to his satisfaction. 8. The one who goes on the knees whenever the manager isn't looking You're not being judged as a footballer on your quality of push ups! Just do them and you might get a bit fitter and tougher - and that might make you a better footballer. But, still... managers, don't fall for this. 9. The player who says he'll do sit ups instead Couldn't possibly be doing push ups - you all saw him get that really bad arm injury during training.