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10th December 2018
10:40pm GMT

4. The player who won't stop looking at the other team
Asking if their key player is there. Asking people to point out the player he/she'll be marking. Asking if they're any good. "They don't look that big"; "They must have a few injuries"; "Are they missing some lads?"; "They're not taking it too seriously anyway."
5. The player telling you there's too much talk
Focus on your stretches.
6. The player telling you you're too quiet
Not enough talk.
7. The one who claims territory
Antagonising, disrespectful, whatever - this player is here to put down a marker and will actively encourage the rest of the team into the other's half. Most likely to kick over opposition cones and boot footballs away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eUf6TvJ8GA
8. The late-comer
Strolls down leisurely at their own pace, it might have even took a late phone call to get them there. Waltzes out eventually, kicks a few balls around, expects you to be thankful they've bothered to show up.
9. The manager with a fag
Couldn't be arsed. Tells you you're old enough now to take your own warm-up.
10. The injured player doing their own warm-up
Whilst the rest of the team is running, desperately trying to find a second wind, this player is sprawled across the turf doing stretches you've never seen before. The physio told them to do it though, so don't bother them.
11. The maniac
Aggressive, boisterous, roaring and shouting. This player is going to war and you're going with them. Demands that you hit them harder. Stay away from this player during the warm-up.
12. The one trying to impress
Flying ahead of everyone as you jog across the pitch. Organising everyone, first at the cones for all the drills. You're not playing, get over it.
13. The one who couldn't be arsed
Walking behind as everyone jogs across the pitch. Spending more time with the water. Will look away during the huddle talks. They build up at their own pace.
14. The player looking for a glove
"If you come on, I'll give it back to you."
15. The ones who step out of the drill
They're not enjoying the intensity or the maniac so they'll step aside and do their own stretches until the tackling is done with. Might fake tightness or even just run to the toilet.
16. The ritual player
No matter how early they arrive, they're always last on the field because they won't leave the changing room until everyone is gone. Will tie their laces continuously, pick up grass, sprint through shuttle runs from the end line to the 13' and maybe even change socks/shorts/or underarmour when you go back inside for the jerseys.
17. The ones visibly shitting themselves
Pale, quiet, wide-eyed. You know they're going to get brought off in the first half.Explore more on these topics: