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30th October 2015
02:23pm GMT
It's not so much that Spurs are world beaters. It's just that Aston Villa are doing an absolutely tremendous job of completing their relegation mission.
To be bottom of a league that contains Sunderland, Newcastle and Chelsea takes some doing but somehow the Villains have managed it.
Villa have conceded 17 goals all season and nine of those have come from opposition midfielders (or at least players registered as midfielders on Fantasy Football) so their ability to close down leaves a lot to be desired.
They should be caught out by the likes of Christian Eriksen who has been in cracking form since his return from injury, providing either a goal or assist in all but one of his last five appearances.
He shoots often and is always dangerous at a free-kick so expect him test the reliably unreliable hands of Brad Guzan.
How on earth do only 1.9% of you have the Dijkmeister in your team? He's the bloody best.
We're going to go ahead and say that, of all the centre-halves in the Premier League, Mr. van Dijk poses the biggest attacking threat.
He's still coming to terms with life in England but has already found the net twice in his six games for Southampton and his dominance at set-pieces means that he could remain a vital part of our Fantasy Football team from here on out.
Not only is he guaranteed the odd goal but Southampton face some of the lowest scoring teams in their next three fixtures so three clean sheets for Saints wouldn't exactly surprise us as they meet Stoke and Sunderland after this weekend's clash with a hapless Bournemouth side whose greatest hope lies with Glenn Murray.
You never want to depend on Glenn Murray!
Unless you're Newcastle, a game with Sunderland is basically a collection area for three points.
The Black Cats need to be playing their city rivals to be motivated to actually play football and, even then, they're less entertaining than the Sam Allardyce memes doing the rounds.
Ross Barkley is enjoying the form of his life this season and his shoot-on-sight mentality means he will be rewarded with goals against the lesser sides and a lesser side than Sunderland you'd struggle to make up.
We could have gone for Romelu Lukaku to punish a back four in which neither Younes Kaboul nor John O'Shea are 100% fit but the big Belgian is more expensive and has been selected by more Fantasy Football managers than Barkley so this is just the smarter business right now.
It's time to get rid of the Big Fucking Burden.
We wouldn't trust Per Mertesacker with a pair of scissors so we're certainly not going to trust him in the Premier League anymore.
His size allowed him a little bit of bluff room but Swansea's record against Arsenal is pretty decent and Mertesacker is quite literally too big a risk for us to take.
The Swans are undefeated against Arsenal in their last three meetings and have scored five goals in the process so a clean sheet for Petr Cech is far from nailed on when Arsene Wenger brings his side to the Liberty Stadium.
Word on the street (internet) is that Wenger could be forced to play Kieran Gibbs as a winger due to the injuries sustained to both Alex Oxlade Chamberlain and Theo Walcott midweek and the gap he will leave at the back will have Bafetimbi Gomis salivating at the chance to recapture the form he showed at the start of the season.
Mertesacker was part of a back four that conceded three goals to Sheffield Wednesday on Tuesday night so he may not even figure this weekend but that's even more reason to get his awkward ass out of your team.
We don't think we're being unfair by saying that West Brom have all the excitement value of dividing peanuts into colour categories from "beige" to "slightly darker beige."
If you managed to sit through either of the Baggies' 1-0 victories over the past fortnight then you're more committed than any football fan should be.
Boaz Myhill and his back four served us well in the last few months in Fantasy Football, boring us to tears in the process, but we're not backing them to keep their defensive record going against the Ballon d'Or banker Jamie Vardy.
It's like the battle of all that's good with football versus all that's bad with football when thrill-a-minute Leicester travel to the Hawthorns and the fact that the Baggies have Manchester United, Arsenal, West Ham, Spurs and Liverpool coming up before Christmas means that the clean sheet streak is well and truly over.
Alright, we acknowledge that Juan Mata has got a good record against Crystal Palace but we fear that Louis van Gaal is beginning to Mourinho him.
The Spaniard hasn't seen out the full 90 in October and the fact that he's always looking over his shoulder for the fourth official's board seems to be playing on his mind as he hasn't registered a goal or assist in any of his last three games.
Palace aren't exactly a stupendous side at home but we get the sneaking suspicion that this one could finish 0-0, with Mata being dragged off after an hour.
That's of no real use to us in Fantasy Football land so, sadden us as it may, it's time to say adios to Juan for awhile.Explore more on these topics:
