Tim Sherwood.
Tim Sherwood.
Tim bloody Sherwood.
That reads like the worst Valentine's Day poem of all time. It reads like a suicide note actually.
Because, let me tell you, Villa have not shot themselves in the foot with this one. They've lifted a shotgun and pointed it right down their throats in gruesome, horrifying Full Metal Jacket style.
At least the club can say they did the best they could though. At least they can say they tried. That they left no stone unturned.
That they trawled to the depths of the continent. Found only the very best candidates for the job. Spoke to the most suitable applicants. Spoke to them again.
At least they can say that, after two full days of relentless, tireless, noble hard work, the lengthy process of appointing the new leader of Aston Villa - the same Aston Villa that was supposed to be a superpower of England - that search, that endless search has finally come to a fitting end.
Lambert was sacked on Wednesday night. By Saturday morning, there's a new manager.
Randy Lerner has at last delivered the final nail for that sturdy coffin he has built up around the club so tightly and he has just gone and handed Tim Sherwood the hammer to smash it into place.
Or maybe I'm being too harsh.
I mean, it's not like we're in any trouble. It's not like we're sitting pretty in a relegation zone, devoid of ideas, inspiration or hope. It's not like this hasn't been coming for the last four years since Alex McLeish was unwittingly deployed at Bodymoor Heath to begin digging the trench that would start the downfall. It's not like we needed a solid, steady, no-risk appointment just to get over these 13 games that could define the next decade of a club who knows nothing but the Premier League.
And it's not like Tim Sherwood's CV doesn't smack of experience. What was it, five months as a 'head coach'? That's right. Remember that time he performed averagely with a very good side?
Remember that time his straight-talking, geezer chat flung him straight into the hearts of the English media? And ever since they have been pining for his return. Ever since they have just been clamouring for the perfect mug to give him money to manage a team again. Step forward, Randy Lerner.
If the price is right, Villa's American owner is all ears.
And, in Tim Sherwood, he hasn't only found a cheap yes-man willing to take the reins at a club the owner has long since neglected. He found the right sap hanging around ready to be appointed within two and a half days. He found the cheapest, quickest, least experienced option at the one time in his Villa career that he really couldn't afford to take a cost-cutting punt.
And, straight off the bat, he saw fit to entrust him with a three and a half year contract.
Based on what?
The new manager is unproven. All he's done with his infant career to date is listen to what the media has to say and put into practice with his next team sheet.
The only thing Tim Sherwood has proved in his extensive managerial history is the remarkable ability to hit the right buzzwords to fill the back page of a tabloid newspaper. Suddenly, he's entrusted to not only rescue a club in their hour of need, but take them back to the top six of the table - a place people seem to forget where they've come from.
The only thing he had to prove to get the Aston Villa job though wasn't his ability or vision, just that he wouldn't be a strain on the club's finances.
It looks like the conservative move from Lerner but, with the team closer to relegation now than they have ever been, the owner could pay big in the long run.
It was worth investing top dollar in a good manager, a proven manager - a proper manager - to keep Villa afloat in the Premier League because the financial gains of staying up would've paid it back anyway.
We've looked at the short term shortcut with this one though and, for the first time in the Premier League's 23 seasons, Aston Villa are in very real, genuine danger of dropping out.
And, with that, Randy Lerner will finally have completed his disgusting legacy.
But at least we'll have a few memorable quotes to take with us on our way out.
