So this is actually happening.
The gloves are off and David Ginola is ready to go the distance with Sepp Blatter in a bid to become the new president of FIFA.
But who is the best candidate for the most powerful job in football? Who should take the Zurich hot seat after the May 29 election.
We've broken down Ginola and Blatter's credentials and scored the most suitable option for the role of FIFA president. Well, kind of.
IMAGE
Call us vain, but the first rule of election campaigns is making sure you have the right image. David Ginola, the Premier League's renowned beautiful Frenchman, is a silver fox in his first presidential promotional video, filling his fashionable outfit like a dream.
Blatter, meanwhile, looks like something from middle earth in this photo.
David Ginola 1 Sepp Blatter 0
MEDIA HANDLING
Perhaps the most crucial element to any election campaign, the media perception can make or break you. Or, you know, in Sepp Blatter's case, bend you.
The FIFA president has given journalists, colleagues and the public alike all reasons to believe that his tenure is finished - if they're willing to accept that it should ever have started - with some of his outbursts in the press but it was his worryingly callous dismissal of racism in football that really had the football world unanimously calling for Blatter's head.
Firstly, the president said that racism did not exist on the football field before, secondly, suggesting that any acts of it could be solved with a simple hand shake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI8Mm-rwZSU
Then of course he comes out and says that perpetrators should be thrown out of football as the media went to town on his inconsistency. Blatter seems to go with whatever comes into his head then and there, offering radical changes to the game as we know at the slightest hint of a pressing question.
Ginola has had just one performance so far since the announcement that he wants to run for president but, pre-planned and rehearsed, the Frenchman comes across slick and suave. Does he know any other way?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0unwl3QQqE
David Ginola 2 Sepp Blatter 0
MANIFESTO
Team Ginola is looking to reboot football. The seven-year Premier League servant says he wants to stand for one reason, he loves football. He says FIFA's system isn't working and by backing his campaign, you're backing a new FIFA that cares about one thing and one thing alone, football. How he does that, he hasn't said yet (probably hasn't thought about it).
Sepp Blatter's manifesto? Move along, move along, nothing to see here.
David Ginola 3 Sepp Blatter 0
EXPERIENCE
Say what you will about Blatter, but the eighth president of FIFA has been in that office for what will be 17 full years come the election. He has been working at FIFA since 1975 - 40 bloody years - firstly as Technical Director and then as General Secretary.
Ginola, on the other hand, couldn't tell you anything about the organisation he wants to overthrow.
https://twitter.com/alexthomascnn/status/556031996527640576
https://twitter.com/RobHarris/status/556033825860751361
David Ginola 3 Sepp Blatter 1
PUBLIC IMAGE
At first clip, you'd assume Ginola would be the people's choice but the people aren't stupid either.
Whilst the Spurs legend is undeniably popular in the football world, thrilling people with the ball at your feet and running the game from behind a desk is a completely different animal.
And, despite the early hysteria rallying behind Team Ginola in a bid - any desperate bid - to find a figure head to oust Blatter, more and more questions are generating about his validity for the role. Particularly the fact that he's being paid to run.
https://twitter.com/GaryLineker/status/556043214558605312
https://twitter.com/RobHarris/status/556034816169504769
https://twitter.com/GrantWahl/status/556040427108065280
But let's not kid ourselves, shall we. Sepp Blatter is hardly any more popular. We'll call this one a tie.
David Ginola 3½ Sepp Blatter 1½
STAGE WORK
On the big stage, Ginola's feet never failed him.
Blatter's footwork was never as graceful though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhAkwAIaDh8
David Ginola 4½ Sepp Blatter 1½
HAIR
Hey, it all counts. Ginola even rocks the grey look but there's always room for another look at these glorious locks. http://vimeo.com/33607077
Moving swiftly along.
David Ginola 5½ Sepp Blatter 1½
BUDGET HANDLING
Team Ginola are appealing for £2.3m from the public to fund their campaign and made the rather foolish - albeit admirable - move of making it all transparent. It would be alright if half of it was excusable. For instance, a quarter of million is going to be put aside for 'content creation.' £250,000... for someone to shoot a video and put it on YouTube. And, hang on a second. Team Ginola are looking to put £165,00 for Crowdfunding management. So, the avenue they're using to have money donated is apparently going to cost them £165,000.
https://twitter.com/sportingintel/status/556050900733919232
In fairness, with a budget policy like this, Ginola would fit right in at FIFA. We all know that Blatter is the master at acquiring funds though. We're saying nothing.
David Ginola 5½ Sepp Blatter 2½
IMPRESSIONS
People like a good character in their leaders. They like when the powers-that-be can let their hair down and relate to the every man. David Ginola's interview with TalkSPORT is as sweet as his left foot as he talks about moving to England and attempts a hilarious Geordie impression. We're like those girls who are only laughing at anything he says because he's cute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntP4r1LgpMU
Sepp Blatter's attempts at being one of the lads is cringeworthy though and his Cristiano Ronaldo impression is about as awful as his views on the game in general.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyIHHM25uEc
David Ginola 6½ Sepp Blatter 2½
GAFFES
With the vultures circling, anyone will be picked off at the slightest hint of a slip-up. Normally, a hand gesture like this would have David Ginola's credentials as a president of anything hanging by a very thin thread.
Fortunately, Sepp Blatter's list of gaffes are endless.
The FIFA President on women's football:
"Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty, if you excuse me for saying so, and they already have some different rules to men—such as playing with a lighter ball. That decision was taken to create a more female aesthetic, so why not do it in fashion?"
The FIFA President on homosexuality rights:
"I'd say they [gay fans] should refrain from any sexual activities," he said when addressing the cultural factors to consider at Qatar 2022.
The FIFA President on aliens playing football:
"From north to west to east and south, we shall wonder one day if our game is played on other planets – and then one day we won’t have the World Cup, we will have interplanetary contests."
David Ginola 7½ Sepp Blatter 2½
Verdict: A comprehensive spanking for Ginola in the end but, come on, he was pitted against Sepp bloody Blatter. It would be a sad state of affairs if these were the two front-runners. Which Villa legend was better, Grant Holt or Marlon Harewood? Does it really matter, they're both rubbish.
