You want people to know you go but you don't want them to know that you want them to know.
But you do want them to know. Otherwise, why would you go?
We all have our reasons. For many lads, improving sporting performance is what drags them from the couch to the bench. For others, it's the prize of looking good that rises them from the bed to the squat rack.
It's a lifestyle. We're creatures of habit and when pumping iron becomes your routine, missing out on a session will become the most excruciating thing in the world. For some lads.
A small group of lads just go so they can send a pile of Snapchats, believe it or not. They may not lift a finger apart from reaching for the send button but those lads aren't getting the light of day here. We're focusing on the salt of the weights room.
You know who you are.
You mean business and while you won't be broadcasting your progress every two weeks via an Instagram #TransformationThursday, you will be dropping hints. Because, this is you. This is what you do and you're not going to hide it.
Why would you hide it?
1. Get there early
6.30 am if you can.
Then you've the whole day to talk about it. To push out the chest. To tense the biceps. To broaden the shoulders.
2. Let out a few groans in work
You're after working so damn hard in the gains house that reaching for the bottle of water in front of you on the table is even a struggle now.
You've thrown iron all over the place earlier on in the day so you deserve to cut a few shapes about it.
Grunt and groan like your horse is after getting beaten in a photo-finish in Cheltenham.
The lad beside you is going to ask what's wrong?
We'll trust you to take it from here.
3. Hammer the hammer
When you are asked that question.
REPLY REALLY LOUD SO EVERYONE AROUND HEARS TOO.
4. Pride of place for protein box
If you want to take protein on the go, you drag a box of Optimum Nutrition vanilla flavoured gold dust after you. If you take care of that business in the home house, make sure it's presented front and central on the kitchen table so all visitors will know they're entering a house of high athletic performance.
5. Carton of (Protein) milk everywhere you go
It doesn't matter where you are, it doesn't even matter what kind of milk it is but a carton of bainne in the paw will earn a comment or two.
"Look at this big fella, just out of the gym, yeah?"
You got me.
6. Tight short sleeve t-shirts (or none at all)
If you got it flaunt it.
7. Casual Snapchats
Use your head.
Send a general Snapchat, leaning for replies an hour before you hit the gym.
Let the replies build up. Keep them waiting.
You're in the middle of a pull-up set and could do with a breather. So as not to be rude, you reply to all of these, mid workout. You may not have much to say, but a picture of a bench tells more than any words possibly could.
Don't make it obvious now. Be cute. You just happened to be here.
8. Gear bag everywhere you go
With resistance bands hanging out over the zip and fluorescent speed bands in full view.
9. Foam roller
This little fluorescent piece of equipment is the key to success.
It can be used for Snapchats, it can be kept in the kitchen. It tells a story in itself.
You can't possibly go wrong.
Don't make it obvious now. Be cute. You just happened to be here.
