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5th November 2014
05:45pm GMT

Biggest white German rapper
Dirk Nowitzki is probably the best shooting big man in NBA history, but in addition to a mean inside-outside game the seven-foot German's got mad skills on the mic too. Entering the sunset of his magical career, Nowitzki's Dallas Mavericks have retooled for another run at the title, adding do-it-all forward Chandler Parsons in free agency and trading to bring back centre Tyson Chandler, the defensive lynchpin of Dallas's 2011 run to the Larry O'Brien Trophy.
More importantly, the arrival of Parsons has given Dallas the last piece of the puzzle to put together their own version of Run DMC, with Dirk and guard Monta Ellis. Trust us, this is beyond terrific. 'Me and Monta on the pick and pop, with Chandler too you know we can't be stopped'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M01_ykXJ3mc
Biggest surprise
They lost LeBron, and seemingly all respect in the Eastern Conference, yet the Miami Heat sit proudly atop the conference standings thanks to the sterling work of Chris Bosh. The third wheel of The Big Three during Miami's four straight finals appearances, big man Bosh sacrificed perhaps more than anyone during that run. With James in Cleveland and Dwyane Wade not quite what he used to be, Bosh has taken over the leadership of the team and returned to the dominant form he showed in Toronto before his arrival on South Beach, opening the season with four 20-point games in a row.
Honourable mention: Sacramento is 3-1 for the first time since 2010-11 and has picked up unlikely victories over Western powers Portland and the Los Angeles Clippers. Unfortunately, the Kings ended that season with just 24 wins, and a four-game road trip that begins on Friday and visits Phoenix, OKC, Dallas and Memphis could stick a pin in this early-season balloon.
Biggest (only?) reason to watch the Lakers' train wreck
Unless you are a lover of schadenfreude, there really isn't any good reason to watch much of the purple and gold this season, especially after veteran point guard Steve Nash finally tapped out to persistent back problems and their lone hope for the future, rookie power forward Julius Randle, suffered a season-ending broken leg on his NBA debut.
But, hold on, the one thing this means is MORE SHOTS FOR KOBE. And if we've learned anything, it's that Bryant, whose albatross of a two-year, $48million contract is part of the reason the team is so bad, is gonna get his, especially as he closes in on third place on the all-time scorers chart. The 36-year-old jacked up 37 shots as the 0-5 Lakers lost to Phoenix last night - more than the other four members of the starting unit combined - and is averaging more than 27 points per contest so far this season to close to within 500 points of His Airness Michael Jordan.
Biggest dunk
It's been a slow enough start to the season on the dunk front, so this Klay Thompson flush in the face of Portland centre Robin Lopez gets the honours. Bonus points for timing, as it gave the Golden State Warriors a one-point lead late in the fourth quarter of a big road victory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bspe0hlJns
Honourable mention: DeAndre Jordan threw his hat in the ring with this stuff in the face of Utah's Rudy Gobert.
Jordan has previous when it comes to alley-oop finishes, and to be honest we are really only including him as an excuse to post this epic effort from last year, when the Clippers centre showed absolutely no regard for the life of Pistons guard Brandon Knight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh0AQw3WFkE
Biggest bunch of tankers
Tanking: tank-ing (verb) - The art of sticking your fingers up at your fans by purposefully fielding a team of rookies and no-hopers in a bid to lose many, many games and obtain future top draft picks, bribing said fans with the long-term promise of success.
There have been bad teams in the NBA before. There have even been teams that tanked before. But no team has been so forthright, so brazen about it than the current Philadelphia 76ers. General manager Sam Hinkie, with the full support of his owners, has assembled a roster consisting of a few talented youngsters - point guard Michael Carter-Williams and rookie big men Nerlens Noel and Joel Embiid (who could miss the season through injury) - and a bunch of faces that most NBA fans couldn't pick out of a line-up. It is a strategy which has drawn the ire of fellow owners and led to a failed bid to change draft lottery rules, and the results so far have been predictably atrocious - the Sixers are 0-4, losing every game by double digits.
Biggest flop
Americans are usually very fond of mocking soccer, especially all the diving, but basketball is developing its own fondness for simulation in the form of flopping. This dark art was taken to a whole new level on Momday as Denver took on Sacramento, where the following game of skittles took place.
Biggest intake of breath
Just listen to the crowd at the United Center in this clip when Chicago point guard Derrick Rose landed awkwardly last Friday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqOkgEeYKHQ#t=28
Rose became the youngest MVP in league in his last full season on the court, but that was in 2011 - in the three seasons since, Rose played just 49 games as he suffered serious injuries to both knees. The Bulls have been suitably cautious with their franchise cornerstone, but Rose is back and with Chicago being widely pencilled in to an Eastern Conference finals series against Cleveland, it's no surprise that everyone's heart sank at the sight of the limping 26-year-old. Luckily for everyone in the Windy City, the injury was merely a mild ankle sprain, and D-Rose should return to the court very soon.
Biggest rejection
The aforementioned Nerlens Noel blocked more than four shots per game in college, so he can be expected to produce many highlight reel rejections, but there's something especially satisfying about palming away a lay-up at the rim.
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